To Make a Short Story Long or a Long Story Longer

I can't tell short stories. It's just not in my genetic make up. When others might "make a long story short," I just end up making a long story longer. Keeping that in mind, I'm offering some bullet points of what's going on as opposed to actual stories.

• Nico is settling in better, but still acts like I am going to kick him any time we cross paths.
• My work portfolio has quadrupled in the last two weeks, causing the long breaks between posts.
• I am so sick of living in an apartment. Even more annoying was discovering today that mortgage payments for a $175,000 house would be significantly less than I am paying in rent right now. Too bad my student loans would make being approved for a mortgage impossible.
• I organized a recycling program for our office kitchen. The bin is clearly labeled aluminum cans and plastic only. So why did someone dump 8 cardboard boxes and a bowl of pasta in there today? Ugh! Read the damn signs, people!

Pocket Susan Advice: Even if you're stuck in an apartment for a few more years, do what you can to make your place a little more green and lower your energy bills like changing out traditional lightbulbs for flourescents. Last weekend I installed a programmable thermostat and it was surprisingly easy and will hopefully lower my electric bill during the hot summer months ahead!

Party Animal

This past Saturday I was supposed to go to a wine and cheese party with my friend Jon. I made a bunch of tasty dip. I got ready a little too quickly and found myself with an extra hour before I had to leave. I flipped on the TV, flopped down on the couch, and promptly fell asleep. So much for being social.

Nicolai

I named my cat Nicolai and Nico for short. The irony is that Nico is Japanese for "cat". I definitely didn't know that, but am thankful that at least it makes sense and nico isn't Japanese for ferret or dishwasher or something.

Nico spent the first three hours in his carrier. He let me pet him and was purring and didn't really seem to have any desire to get out. So I let him be.

Finally, he emerged and started to explore but only when I was in the other room. The second he saw me, he flew behind the couch or to his favorite place, under the dining table on a chair. The first night he also peed in my large potted plant even though his litter box was only about three feet away. (Thankfully, today he mastered the litter box!)

He's warming up gradually, but still likes to hide under the table. He must feel safe because there is a long tablecloth that gives it a tent feel. He loves getting attention, but I have to crawl under the table to get to him. I spent a half hour tonight lying on my back under the table just to pet my cat. This is the view:

The Name Game

After 4 months of volunteering at the Humane Society, I finally found the perfect one. He's coming home with me tomorrow! I need to change his name and would like your thoughts.

A) Nico
B) Landry
C) Ridley
D) Other

Look out! I'm Going to Lobby!

Today I started arranging my funding for a conference that I am attending in March because my department will be paying for my travel. There are some special qualifications for the funding because it's technically state money and you can't use normal state funds to travel to Washington D.C. because it's not a state. Anywhere else in the US (including Hawaii and Alaska) are okay but state funds cannot go to non-states.

First, because I will be attending a professional organization meeting, I had to give a reason why it would benefit Texas. Then I had to state (for the record) that while in DC, I would not visit government bureaus or places of congressional business. (Shoot, the FBI tour is out!) I promised not to organize or participate in any public rallies. (Forget capital hill). I vowed that I would not, under any circumstances, lobby. I understand the reasoning, but if I were really set on lobbying do you think that my travel pledge would really keep me from doing it?

Don't worry Texas, I won't lobby. I promise.

Pocket Susan Advice: It's already the 9th day of January and I haven't even discussed New Year's Resolutions. The reason being that I don't like them and don't make them. But if making a personal pledge on the first day of the year will help you make your life a little bit better than you go right ahead. I've seen people do great things with just a little bit more motivation like a New Year's Pledge.

Awkward Turtle in the Workplace

My "office" is one of many units within a larger department so there are a lot of people in my department that are colleagues even though I don't really work closely with them. Since my start in August, a few people have been hired in to different position throughout the department. (Texas, thank goodness, has not had the severe hiring freezes that face a lot of colleges and universities across the country.) I try to be friendly and supportive to these new people to help them settle in more easily. And as is usually the case, no good deed goes unpunished.

"Allison" began work in October. Our jobs are on completely different ends of the spectrum but our offices are just down the hall so I made it a point to say hi and ask how she was settling in every time I passed by. She seemed to have a little bit of trouble fitting in, but I figured that she was just nervous.

A couple of weeks passed by and Allison asked if I would like to go out to lunch one day. It was a very formal invite so I thought perhaps it was business rather than social, but wasn't really sure.
On the appointed day and time we headed out to a local restaurant and we began to chat. I'll paraphrase it and condense it into a short dialogue. While you read this, try to stretch it out over an hour and then you'll have some understanding of my experience.

Allison: So where did you go to college?
Me: I went to Wittenberg for undergrad and South Carolina for grad school.
Allison: Why did you decide to go?
Me: To Wittenberg or to college in general?
Allison: To college.
Me: Well, I didn't really think much about it. My parents expected me to go. I went to a college prep high school. All my friends went to college. So there wasn't really any option.
Allison: How did that make you feel? Angry? Sad?
Me. Ummm... yeah, like I said, I didn't really give it much thought....

Our salads arrive and I shovel it in, hoping to avoid further interrogation. I ask a few light questions and Allison answers, but then our table falls to silence. Just when I feared that the silence would get awkward, Allison takes up the initiative.

Allison: You know a lot of women are waiting until they are older to get married and have children.
Me Thinking: I am neither married nor do I have children. How does this relate?
Allison: But what no one tells them is that if they have a baby, it is much more difficult to advance in their careers. I was reading some statistics [insert random source here]...
Me: Oh wow, that's interesting. Guess I'll have to keep that in mind when I get to that point. Haha...
Allison: Yes, it's important that someone tell young women about the situation before they reach a glass ceiling.
Me: umm... true

Further comments from Allison include an opinion on what type of man makes the best husband (an engineer), statistics on a woman's fertility rates after she turns 30, and the benefits of organic food.

Pocket Susan Advice: Bless her heart is a fantastic expression. My time in SC and TX with real southern women has taught me that "bless her heart" is a miracle expression. You can say anything about someone, I mean, absolutely awful, horrible things and as long as you follow it with "bless her heart" then you're okay. Example: Alison is awkward and makes me extremely uncomfortable, but she's just trying to fit in ... bless her heart.

Timing Is Everything... Especially When You Don't Have It

Some people have rhythm and can always find a beat. No matter what else is going on around them, they can can pounce in on the percussion and instantly be in perfect time. And then there are people like me, who can't clap with others without paying attention (yeah, I'm the kid a half-clap off) and to whom dancing in public is cruel and unusual punishment. Just this past weekend, as I sat in O'Hare Terminal 2, waiting 6 hours for my flight back to Texas, I began to wonder if my crappy timing isn't limited to clapping and playing the piano ridiculously fast. Maybe the things that just fall into place for others so easily will take a little bit more work for me. And if that's how it's going to be... well, so be it. It might help me appreciate the good things that much more. Like the rare moments that I actually clap in tandem.

Pocket Susan Advice: Put your knowledge of the food pyramid and color wheel to good use. In the summer, there is all kinds of fresh produce around but in the winter we tend to forget about our fruits and vegetables. Try to remember to get your full servings each day and do your best to mix up the colors to obtain different vitamins and minerals. I try to pack a couple of snacks, like grapes and carrot sticks - every day that I can munch on between appointments.

The Vicious Chihuahua

Yesterday, Rachel and I departed Toledo and headed to Chicago for the weekend for our friend Miranda's wedding. As wonderful as it is to see my friend marry an incredible man, perhaps even more enjoyable is the opportunity that it gives all us friends to get together.

The wedding was being held in the west suburbs, but we needed to swing through downtown and pick up our friend Lauren. We had plenty of time and the weather was good so we were in fairly high spirits. We were driving down Lake Shore Drive in the lane farthest to the right, which was a straight/right turn lane. As we approached a traffic light, several cars in front of us had stopped to make the right turn. We stopped, but the person driving the Honda CRV behind us failed to notice the red taillights. He rear ended us and pushed us into the Audi in front of us.

Fortunately, no one was hurt, but we watched the minutes leading up to the wedding tick by as we waited for a police officer to arrive on the scene. I called some of our other friends that were driving in so that they could pick up Lauren and we waited some more. Finally, the officer arrived, determined that no one was hurt, assessed that the vehicles were damaged but drivable and sent us all down to the nearest police station.

Of course, we didn't know where that was so we ended up following the guy that hit us. It became apparent that he didn't really know where he was going either as we circled around downtown Chicago. We made it to the station and began filing our report. The officer was nice enough, but apparently hard of hearing as he felt the need to shout out every question. He was also the slowest typist that I have ever seen, with the possible exception of my dad. (Sorry dad, it's true.)

I put my time in the station to good use and studied the "Chicago's Most Wanted" posters. It was a pretty motley crew, with very little to distinguish one from the other. All wanted for murder. None photogenic enough to shine through the mug shot photography and grainy poster. And then I saw the last of the villains, or more accurately, his name -- Chihuahua. The evil felon Chihuahua! No, it's not nice to laugh at someone's name, but if you say it with gusto and flourish and a little bit of the accent of the Taco Bell dog there is just enough to humor to make getting in a car accident and missing your friend's wedding seem okay.

Pocket Susan Advice: STARE: Stop Tires Are Reaching Earth When you stop behind a car, you should be able to see where the car's rear tires touch the ground. Hopefully, this amount of space will help to prevent your vehicle from being rear ended into another car like ours was.