My "office" is one of many units within a larger department so there are a lot of people in my department that are colleagues even though I don't really work closely with them. Since my start in August, a few people have been hired in to different position throughout the department. (Texas, thank goodness, has not had the severe hiring freezes that face a lot of colleges and universities across the country.) I try to be friendly and supportive to these new people to help them settle in more easily. And as is usually the case, no good deed goes unpunished.
"Allison" began work in October. Our jobs are on completely different ends of the spectrum but our offices are just down the hall so I made it a point to say hi and ask how she was settling in every time I passed by. She seemed to have a little bit of trouble fitting in, but I figured that she was just nervous.
A couple of weeks passed by and Allison asked if I would like to go out to lunch one day. It was a very formal invite so I thought perhaps it was business rather than social, but wasn't really sure.
On the appointed day and time we headed out to a local restaurant and we began to chat. I'll paraphrase it and condense it into a short dialogue. While you read this, try to stretch it out over an hour and then you'll have some understanding of my experience.
Allison: So where did you go to college?
Me: I went to Wittenberg for undergrad and South Carolina for grad school.
Allison: Why did you decide to go?
Me: To Wittenberg or to college in general?
Allison: To college.
Me: Well, I didn't really think much about it. My parents expected me to go. I went to a college prep high school. All my friends went to college. So there wasn't really any option.
Allison: How did that make you feel? Angry? Sad?
Me. Ummm... yeah, like I said, I didn't really give it much thought....
Our salads arrive and I shovel it in, hoping to avoid further interrogation. I ask a few light questions and Allison answers, but then our table falls to silence. Just when I feared that the silence would get awkward, Allison takes up the initiative.
Allison: You know a lot of women are waiting until they are older to get married and have children.
Me Thinking: I am neither married nor do I have children. How does this relate?
Allison: But what no one tells them is that if they have a baby, it is much more difficult to advance in their careers. I was reading some statistics [insert random source here]...
Me: Oh wow, that's interesting. Guess I'll have to keep that in mind when I get to that point. Haha...
Allison: Yes, it's important that someone tell young women about the situation before they reach a glass ceiling.
Me: umm... true
Further comments from Allison include an opinion on what type of man makes the best husband (an engineer), statistics on a woman's fertility rates after she turns 30, and the benefits of organic food.
Pocket Susan Advice: Bless her heart is a fantastic expression. My time in SC and TX with real southern women has taught me that "bless her heart" is a miracle expression. You can say anything about someone, I mean, absolutely awful, horrible things and as long as you follow it with "bless her heart" then you're okay. Example: Alison is awkward and makes me extremely uncomfortable, but she's just trying to fit in ... bless her heart.
"Allison" began work in October. Our jobs are on completely different ends of the spectrum but our offices are just down the hall so I made it a point to say hi and ask how she was settling in every time I passed by. She seemed to have a little bit of trouble fitting in, but I figured that she was just nervous.
A couple of weeks passed by and Allison asked if I would like to go out to lunch one day. It was a very formal invite so I thought perhaps it was business rather than social, but wasn't really sure.
On the appointed day and time we headed out to a local restaurant and we began to chat. I'll paraphrase it and condense it into a short dialogue. While you read this, try to stretch it out over an hour and then you'll have some understanding of my experience.
Allison: So where did you go to college?
Me: I went to Wittenberg for undergrad and South Carolina for grad school.
Allison: Why did you decide to go?
Me: To Wittenberg or to college in general?
Allison: To college.
Me: Well, I didn't really think much about it. My parents expected me to go. I went to a college prep high school. All my friends went to college. So there wasn't really any option.
Allison: How did that make you feel? Angry? Sad?
Me. Ummm... yeah, like I said, I didn't really give it much thought....
Our salads arrive and I shovel it in, hoping to avoid further interrogation. I ask a few light questions and Allison answers, but then our table falls to silence. Just when I feared that the silence would get awkward, Allison takes up the initiative.
Allison: You know a lot of women are waiting until they are older to get married and have children.
Me Thinking: I am neither married nor do I have children. How does this relate?
Allison: But what no one tells them is that if they have a baby, it is much more difficult to advance in their careers. I was reading some statistics [insert random source here]...
Me: Oh wow, that's interesting. Guess I'll have to keep that in mind when I get to that point. Haha...
Allison: Yes, it's important that someone tell young women about the situation before they reach a glass ceiling.
Me: umm... true
Further comments from Allison include an opinion on what type of man makes the best husband (an engineer), statistics on a woman's fertility rates after she turns 30, and the benefits of organic food.
Pocket Susan Advice: Bless her heart is a fantastic expression. My time in SC and TX with real southern women has taught me that "bless her heart" is a miracle expression. You can say anything about someone, I mean, absolutely awful, horrible things and as long as you follow it with "bless her heart" then you're okay. Example: Alison is awkward and makes me extremely uncomfortable, but she's just trying to fit in ... bless her heart.
